Too Much Milk

"Third time's the charm" is certainly the case with my third baby. This little hunk is already in size 6-9m clothes despite being only just 4m old. He was 9lbs at birth but is already 17lbs - my firstborn didn't weigh that much til nearly 1yr old. 

Breastfeeding the third time around is a lot smoother too. I expected to have zero hiccups, since I had successfully breastfed my previous two in the last two years, despite the first time suffering the steep learning curve and the second time having a newborn in NICU. Yet, I still had a curve, albeit more like relearning how to ride a bike first thing in the summer - a lot faster and a lot of 'oh that's right, this is how that works.'

I am beginning to feel like an 'old salt' mom. I've been encouraging younger first-time moms, despite the fact that I was in their shoes less than 4 years ago. The breastfeeding issue is a sensitive one. Nearly all moms I meet express a desire to do it, surprise with the unexpected difficulties, and a constant pressure to give it up. Whether for their sanity, their babies' weight-gain, or to avoid the public confrontation there is always a good reason available for a discouraged mom who is just done with the effort. I feel for them, it's not easy to choose one thing when you'd prefer another. 

After my experiences though, I really wanted to offer some of my story hoping it could be useful, since I haven't heard it from anyone else. (not that I've looked terribly hard)

The chief fear of mine as a new mom was 'is my baby getting enough to eat?' Doctors measure it in minutes spent nursing, weight-gain, wet diapers. Relaxed grandmothers measure it in swallowing-noises, good latch, baby's contentment. My lactation consultant literally measured it in ounces of milk swallowed. Everyone wants to have a fat-but-not-too-fat, happy, well-sleeping baby. 

So when baby isn't happy, instead is fussy, gassy, doesn't latch well, doesn't nurse long before fussing, doesn't sleep for long, wakes up ravenous and panicky; when mom is exhausted, has painfully tight breasts and painful or unnoticeable let-down, cannot pump much milk, - the conclusion is: baby isn't getting enough. The assumption is: mommy doesn't have enough.

What I didn't know is that TOO MUCH MILK can look like that as well. Here's what happened in my case:

My boobs were full, very VERY full. My babies' mouths are somewhat short, my nipples are somewhat small. (I know, TMI, but it's pertinent) So in order to get a good latch, they had to take in the nipple very far into their mouth. When the milk came in strong they gagged. (Picture trying to suck from a water bottle that has a stream the size of a hose) 

Bc I had so much milk, when let-down happened it would stream out, like a fire-hose for a newborn, but I couldn't see it when they pulled off. Now in order to try to close off the flow so they could swallow, they would shorten the latch so they could pinch the nipple with their tongue. That meant MUCH more painful nursing, and it also chafed the skin raw so that I could hardly stand to nurse them. 

Also, a newborn has to learn how to breath and swallow separately without choking, this means when they gulp milk they usually gulp air. This means that when they get a good latch and my abundant supply pours in, they gulp down air trying to keep up with the milk flow. This causes huge bubble discomfort that makes them not want to nurse until it's taken care of, but it can be so deep that they spit up when it's finally burped, making me think they've had enough. 

The effort can be so exhausting that once their initial hunger is sated, they are content to rest. Since nursing was painful I was only too happy to comply and let my boobs recover. I waited too long and they were once again ravenous and the whole thing went round again. 

Here is what helped me:

Nurse often. The first time, I used a 2 1/2 - 3 hour schedule. The second time I used a 3 hour routine. The third kid I used a 3 hour routine in the beginning to help get the daytime hours set, then nursed him whenever.  Specifically, for the third (that I count as having been the smoothest) I nursed him whenever he 1. woke up 2. fussed 3. seemed sleepy. To set his hours I woke him at 7am to nurse, again at 10am, again at 1pm, again at 4pm again at 7pm, again at 10pm and then let him wake up for the night feeding usually about 4am. 

Use a rocking chair or recline on the couch or bed and lean back. Hold your arms apart from your chest (the natural tendency for me was to clench them in a bit) a bit and in general try to remove all extra pressure on the breast except what baby makes. That gives them more control over the pace of the flow. 

Get fitted for a nipple shield. They aren't expensive, but you need a consultant or doctor to help you choose the right size, as it is dependent on both your nipple size and the baby's mouth size. The advantages are worth the trouble in my opinion: It creates a gap between nipple and mouth which relieves the excess milk pressure allowing baby to take breaks for rest and breath without breaking latch. It teaches baby to latch properly because it only pulls milk from the breast if latched correctly. It helps mama's stress and let down by relieving some of the intensity and helping heal and prevent chafing by both protecting the skin from the tongue and also allowing the nipple to be bathed in the excess milk.

Pump to relieve fullness. Once my milk came in, one boob had plenty of milk for one newborn nursing. That meant the other one would be bursting by the next feeding and too stiff for a good latch and too full for a well-paced flow. So I would pump off the extra until it didn't come so fast and then allow baby to nurse. This was only for the first two weeks or so until he could take the flow and my supply stabilized. 

Go dairy-free. I don't know all the exact details but the gist that I got from my pediatrician is that cow's milk proteins are long and stringy and not easily digested by small baby guts. If you think about how big a calf is (like the size of an elementary school kid) compared to a human baby it makes sense that their milk molecules would also be too big. Regardless of why, my experience was a lot of colicky baby and projectile vomiting baby until I cut dairy from my diet. For my second and third I didn't even bother with a trial, I cut it from the beginning, and never had those issues. But digestive discomfort would immediately follow any time I tried to sneak a piece of cheese or bit of yogurt. Butter and cream seemed okay. For their relief and comfort it was worth it, and being able to know that baby is hungry and not gassy is also very helpful.

Let them de-latch. If you have a slow or painful nurser, or one that likes to trickle off, the temptation is to call 'done' for them. If you have a lot of milk, chances are they will get what they need nursing one boob at a feeding. Also, the first bit of milk (called the 'fore milk') is higher in protein and vitamins, the second bit (called the 'hind milk') is higher in fat content. A hungry baby needs the second bit of milk to be sated for longer. Once they de-latch from one breast, burp them and offer the second. If they need more milk than you have they will trickle nurse at the end getting every last drop and that stimulates your milk supply to grow. 

Give them rest. For the first 3-4 months a baby experiences REM cycle sleep first, instead of the usual light drowsiness the way older children and adults do. That means a sleeping baby can nurse, may have their eyes open, even looking around a bit, wiggle or jerk their body and already be totally asleep. For me I watch for a more regular breath and a 'glassed over' look in their eyes. The key thing in my experience is to do the same repetitive thing, such as nursing, rocking, swinging or singing for about 5-20 min until they seem settled and then put them down to sleep. If they are uncomfortable they will let you know, but if you constantly change up what you're doing or try to over-stimulate them to sleep you're actually more likely to rewake them. An over-stimulated, over-tired baby actually sleeps worse and eats worse than a well-rested baby. 

Best of luck to you, breast-feeding mom. :)

Why I Didn't Vote

It wasn't because I couldn't.

I'm not a felon. I'm not an illegal alien. I'm not sick or overseas with absentee ballot issues. I haven't moved recently and forgotten to update my info. I have three kids - one a newborn - but that doesn't keep me from dragging them to places of importance like the grocery store or the library or church. I don't work such exhausting and difficult hours for an unpatriotic boss that there was no way I could make it to the polls at any of the available times.

It wasn't because I didn't want to.

I felt so grown up the first time I voted. I take it seriously. My first election cycles were hotly contested, one was the infamous counting fiasco when I went to bed sick with anxiety and woke up to no relief for weeks as the results were finalized. I've worn my sticker for days and kept my very first one in my memory book.

It wasn't because I am apathetic.

I know my vote matters. I know countless lives and blood have been given to win and preserve my freedom and right to elect my rulers, and to have a say in the laws. Millions in the world have neither guaranteed right nor ability nor accessibility to participate in their countries government. I know that the results will never deliver utopia, will never deliver moral salvation, and will not be enough alone to shift the greater culture, but they still do a lot. It's not just the Federal level that's important either. I've served as an election judge several times and worked in my local office with dedication and patriotic enthusiasm.

It was because I was utterly uninformed. 

Utterly.

Uninformed.

I didn't know who was running. I didn't even know who was incumbent.

I didn't know what anyone stood for, had heard no speeches, been to no town meetings. I didn't know what issues were on the ballot or even what races. It's my own fault.

See, politics has gotten so reactive, it seems to me. Facebook is a virtual tumult of nasty insinuations, character attacks, and baiting headlines. Mass media is just that: massive. I had long ago stopped subscribing to hubbub. When the occasional outrage showed up in the feed and I actually followed the link, I found what appeared to be sensationalist writings consisting mostly of presumption, sound-bites, and strutting.

I don't receive news magazines anymore. I don't get the paper. I don't have and don't watch television. Mostly bc I choose not to afford those things in favor of other stuff like healthy groceries. Which means the internet and conversations with friends is my only source. But I don't talk politics much, because most times it's so inflammatory. And the internet.... well...

So I didn't vote. Because my 'voice' this go around would have been nothing more than gambling. Honestly I could have taken dice with me, to vote 'by lots', and been just as likely to make choices that actually reflect my positions. (not an entirely bad idea, though, it'd be biblical, haha)

And I learned my lesson. No, not because of who won, I'm still utterly ignorant. But because nothing happened. No one is pounding down my door. No soldiers are giving me the cold shoulder. My kids aren't ashamed to show their faces with me. And whatever the results are, I'm fairly sure that the outcomes aren't going to immediately threaten my security or my finances or my children's future. 

Nothing happened. I didn't vote... and no one 'cares'. So if I don't honor my rights, if I don't take the responsibility to inform myself, if I don't follow through on my convictions, no one is going to make me. And that's how rights get lost.

Next time, "God-willing and the crik don't rise", I will be better. I will be informed. And I will vote.

4 Systems for a Tidy Home

I love a good system. A good system does half the thinking, a.k.a. half the work, for me. It helps me get the job done faster because it's familiar and routine. These are the systems that work for me. 


1. The Overhaul-

The first step is to empty the entire contents of the target area into the room. Pulling everything out of the closet to pile on the floor, dumping a drawer onto a table, covering countertops with the contents of a kitchen cupboard.  Next the area gets cleaned and a system for organizing selected. Items are then returned to their new home or moved elsewhere.

Pros:

Ability to freshly visualize a space. That makes it useful for redesigning/reassigning use of space, like making the coat closet into a broom closet. Also makes for easier measuring for and installing of organizing systems like shelves, bins, or dividers.

Ability to clean thoroughly with no clutter in the way. Useful for cleaning up spills that get everywhere, tackling musty areas or disinfecting. 

Good motivation to reduce. There's something about seeing piles and piles of items, as well as usually finding multiples of things hiding away, that motivates significant reduction. Useful for spaces that get 'stuffed', such as clothes closets, craft areas, garages, junk drawers.

Cons:

Piles and piles everywhere, usually disrupting the function of the area until the project is finished. Not good for intermittent time slots.

Visually and psychologically overwhelming. Easy to lose focus and momentum. Difficult to see progress until almost finished.

Messy. Usually redundant. Unless there's time and focus to finish the project ALL the way through,  I inevitably wind up handling things multiple times, having to remind myself which pile is which. And that's assuming that there are no interruptions, distractions, or 'un-doers' (like children, pets, hubbies) getting into things. 

Requires having sufficient space and storage to put away items.

Tips to make it work:

As much as possible designate reasonable chunks of time to the process. Don't forget breaks, but don't take too many. Grossly overestimate the time and energy required. The most success is experienced by getting it DONE.

Make sure there is a good build-up of motivation: an enticing vision of how the space will be used, a good cup (or pot) of coffee, an early start. If possible do a bit of extra planning so that things will not just be organized but LOOK organized when done.

As much as possible reduce interruptions: send the kids/hubby elsewhere, don't answer the phone or check social media, have dinner plans all prepped like a crock-pot meal or take-out. 

Have rewards ready: chocolate, a shopping spree, a relaxing bath or movie. 

Be ruthless. The more stuff reduced by giving away or throwing away the less there is to fit back in. 

Be realistic. Yes I might be able to get some money for this item but unless I'm ready to store items for a yard sale or make the effort to list something on Ebay, then I'm just moving clutter around and creating larger mountains of work.

Pick a 'finished' area. For example, if overhauling a clothes closet I either empty things into designated bins or piles that can be moved when I stop, or I empty everything, clean it, and put back only the items I want. That way if a project takes multiple time slots, I regress less in the downtime. 

Pay attention to small details when putting things back: edges of books aligned, clothes hangers all facing the same way, consistent labeling for bins, groups of like things neatly together. Don't let those steps eat up too much time, but when the task is complete those are the details that will take the final feeling from exhaustion to relaxation and satisfaction.



2. The Pile-

This method involves going around a room and putting everything out of place into a pile - on the bed, on the floor, in a bin. Putting away an item at a time, when the pile is gone the job is done. Simple.

Pros:

Good visual progress as pile diminishes. Useful for children especially for that reason. 

Useful with a bin for decluttering, going from room to room and adding/putting away in each place. 

Cons:

Requires mental sorting, and a certain amount of neatness to know what is 'out of place'.  

Overwhelming with very cluttered/stuffed areas for the same reasons as the Overhaul method.

Potential for 'just stick it somewhere' motivation both for kids and adults. Requires an understood 'home' for every item therefore a certain amount of organization in place already.

Tips for making it work:

For kids a regular progress check up is good. Good for momentum, good for morale, and good for correcting sneaky stuff-it solutions.

Pick a clear area for the pile, preferably not filling it completely so that there is room to rummage.

Pick out 'alls' - all the toys, all the papers, all the pins, etc. Put away in mini-groups. This also reduces the number of steps.

Be strict about putting things where they go. If something doesn't have a real 'home' then leave it to last and find one for it.

3. The Eraser-

Like the Pile method, without the Pile. Beginning at one end of the room (doorway, bed, desk are good markers) work your way around, moving each item as you go. For quick visual progress move things multiple times if necessary, to the next section, but for the most part put each item home or in the section it belongs. (e.g. papers might move to the kitchen counter, then to the desk, then get filed) 

Pros:

If organization is in place already, this method is very fast and easy to track my place if I get interrupted. 

Visually very satisfying, imagine an eraser moving steadily through the space, like a Magna-Doodle.

Good for cleaning-as-you go. My favorite method for kitchen counters. 

Can help make a huge mess look more manageable. Instead of papers and dishes and dirty clothes and toys everywhere, I have a stack of papers, a sink of dishes, a hamper of dirty clothes, and a pile of toys. 

My favorite method for quick whole-house decluttering. Start at one end of one room and work your way around methodically.

Cons:

Nearly always handle things more than once.

Requires a certain amount of clear area to move stuff to.

Messes often get moved before they get finished, so 'un-doers' can cancel out the work. 

Requires most items to have a 'home' otherwise I wind up with huge piles at the end.

Not great for work-in-progress such as papers that need to be filled out before they are filed, or clothes that need stain-treatment before going in the hamper. 

Tips for making it work:

Be quick and decisive.  If it belongs, straighten or clean it. If it doesn't belong, move it. How far to move it depends on how much effort I want to spend. It can move it as little as to the other end of the dresser or to a whole other room. The focus is speed and the area immediately in front of me.

Be thorough. Don't leave as much as a bottle-cap out of place. If the area includes 'hold' areas (like sinks, catch-alls, the-counter-where-mail-and-keys-gets-tossed, the 'waiting-to-go-up/down step') then clear them too. 

If the area does contain works-in-progress than either finish them or group them together to be finished at the end. Tidy as much as possible, put away if it won't interrupt the project. 

When moving things for the moment try to move to a less accessible/functioning area so that 'un-doers' can't get to it before me. 

When moving an item to an area already done, put it all the way away. For example if I've already moved the dirty clothes to the laundry room and I find a stray sock under the bed, then I put it in the laundry room, not the hamper. 



4. The Web-

This method deals with one item at a time. One. The item gets taken care of and put 'home', however many steps that entails, before moving on to the next item. Very slow, very thorough. But what gets done is DONE.

Pros:

Immediate and narrow focus. Good for when my brain hurts or I'm exhausted and considering more than one small step at a time is utterly defeating. Also good when I'm angry because I can channel all that energy into the thoroughness without losing momentum.

Immediate progress. Not visual, but psychological. I almost don't have to think, just pick up something, take care of it, and grab the next thing at hand. Good for puttering around the house: when I put an item away in a room I grab the thing that's out of place there next. 

Can do however much or little I have time and energy for. By taking care of one item at a time, there is much less risk of 'un-doers', and I can start and stop anywhere. To start just grab an item, to stop just finish the one I have and don't pick another. Do it for 2 minutes, 20 minutes or 2 hours. 

Good exercise, lots of walking.

Cons:

Not much visual progress unless a lot of time is spent. 

Not easy to pair with cleaning except on an item-by-item basis.

Lots of extra physical steps.

Tips for making it work:

Use this method to get started when in a slump. I often use this method and the Eraser in combination- clearing large areas and then tackling individual items. 

Use this to determine where more organization is needed. If it takes me 3 steps to put something away, that can explain why it's still out in the first place. If I'm doing one item at a time there's no reason not to make a home for it at that moment if I can. 

Focus on the health benefits. If I climb the stairs 20 times or take 200 extra steps between rooms think how much productive exercise I'm getting! And a tidier house as a bonus!


The choice of method is based on the need of the project and the moment. How big is the mess, how organized is the 'home' spot, how much energy I have or who is helping. There's always one, or more, that can get me back to a tidy home. 

Flag Testimonial

I grew up as a flag-waving American. My dad was on the color guard during his time in the State Police, and so knew and taught us proper flag etiquette. I wasn't fastidious but I did things like always salute the flag, never damage a flag, never fly one in the rain, and never ever ever let one touch the ground. I learned it not as idolatry but as an extension of the respect owed to both the ideals represented and more importantly for the blood shed to earn and protect those ideals. 

I didn't much care for the brash, party-style patriotism of most July 4th celebrations and pop songs. I didn't slight them particularly, but it felt overdone, like people who suddenly claim to be Irish and wear green and drink too much beer for St. Patrick's Day.  I grew up with quieter patriotic celebrations, like watching good war movies on Memorial Day, and attending lesser-known events such as Defender's Day* at Fort McHenry in Baltimore.

My first encounter with a different style of 'Flagism' was during a summer I spent in Denmark. Like here, many homes display their flag, usually as a pennant, and in a park in north Denmark is the largest outside-the-States U.S. Independence Day celebration. This country's history dates to before the Vikings, which made me feel like my own barely-over-two-hundred-years history was rather adolescent. The patriotism I experienced was warm, sincere, and dignified but relaxed, with no chip-on-the-shoulder defiance. 

When September 11, 2001 happened, I was working in a religious retail store. We carried flags as part of church supplies and sold out over and over, selling even old merchandise and expensive options bc the demand was so insistent. I myself chose to wear a typical lapel pin with a small black ribbon behind it, attempting to honor both the situation and how I felt about it. But in general it seemed the bigger, the better. Anything, I mean ANYTHING even remotely red-white-and-blue was getting snatched up the day it came in. We could get in 200 lapel pins and 4 customers later be sold out. Flag fever I had never experienced before. Everywhere I looked there were lapel pins, flags on houses, flags on  vehicles, bumperstickers, lawn ornaments, signs and various cheap paraphernalia. 'God Bless America' heralded me from every source audible, readable, and implicated. 

I watched with mixed reactions. Many displays were in violation of flag etiquette, many cheap and flashy, many carried a tone I felt was pushy, arrogant, and nationalist. I remember how relieved I felt the first time I noticed a display on the drive home of a properly protected flag with the words 'America Bless God' attached to it. I think it was because I felt that here was someone who could recognize an alternative perspective to the obsessive circling-the-wagons disdain aimed at anyone deemed not patriotic enough. I remember a news anchor remarking that they had received hate mail for not wearing a flag pin or something on the news. I remember a lot of heat thrown back and forth over who was patriotic 'enough' and what it meant to be patriotic. I certainly agreed with those who declared patriotism was more than a simple show, though I do find it reasonable to ask why a patriot would choose to show nothing.

I have a somewhat altered sense of flag-waving these days. I no longer think of America as the saviour nation, nor that she is above reproach. I still warmly applaud the father and son I heard tell of who respectfully picked up and folded a flag laid as a carpet in a museum exhibit, but I no longer feel incredulous disgust at the people who thought up the exhibit. I still don't find large doses of flag decor or bawdy in-your-face attitudes to be considerate or in the best taste, but I am alarmed of reports where veterans are pressured to withdraw their patriotic displays that they most definitely and personally earned a right to have. I hope patriotism is not another lost cause, buried under the fall-out of fights between two excesses.

*Defender's Day is an annual weekend event in early September, celebrating the anniversary of the writing of the Star-Spangled Banner and events surrounding. A truly educational and interesting event, with top-notch live bands, speakers and fireworks, including a short reenactment of the guns and mortars and the raising of the enormous flag that inspired the poem. Absolutely thrilling moment. I believe the events are free, though the usual (small) park fees apply for the actual Fort access.